Jealousy, The Ugly green monster

       lately I have really felt a lot of jealousy and I'm not entirely sure why but I have and so to feel whole again or feel more like Anna the way I feel most happiest I have decided to write about it, even though it feels silly in my eyes to be jealous of this stuff! I have lost a lot of self confidence in myself the last few years simply because I dwelt so heavily on what others say to me, say about me and I'm really honestly done feeling like I'm truly not worthy of being happy any more! If you're seeing any red flags go up here as I continue to write this out though please just know that I really do love me and I'm working on feeling good about where I am in my life more than you may realize:)

     Just today in church I felt lonely and that they are so compleatly sick of seeing me here I am not worth that much to them or anywhere and then I realized that first off that really was Satan in my head and secondly I don't go to church to see them, I don't do a lot of what I do in my life for anyone but me and that truly is the way it should be. We truly have been given the greatest gift of all to have our brother, savior and best friend shed his innocent blood for each and every single one of his us his children and if we cant feel the strength and the power that come with that then come join me and the rest of the world in figuring out the love he gives and shares with each of us every step of the way!

     Jealousy truly is the big ugly green monster in our lives that leaves us in hard times probably more then we would like it to and to that I say be kind to those around you be open to listening and understanding the love that our brother and savior Jesus Christ. We never know what trials we each have been given in our lives but I am sure that we all have them and we also all have the agency to choose for ourselves what we do what we eat what we say what we think even and non of us really are perfect by a long shot but we are so immensely loved and cared for by our earthly parents and our Heavenly Parents as well!

      I have always wanted to stay happy and that is up to me every single day that I am given to be here on this earth and maybe even after! I love my savior and brother Jesus Christ and his unwavering love and understanding and guidance we are in need of in our day to day lives and I am so incredibly grateful for this time of year for my family and for my amazing friends in my life and  I can't wait to see what is in store for me next  

Love

So yesterday was a great day, I woke up I got ready for the day and I went out to vote! As my civic duty, I appreciate the opportunity to vote and put my opinion into action better and as a freedom that I now have and have had throughout my life I felt I owe it to so many woman who once didn't have that chance! Who I voted for may not be the popular vote or maybe it was! But I got to be informed enough to go and cast my ballot and stand up for what I believe and what I personally know to be right:)! That to me is so much more then hearing all of the bickering and the negativity and the hate that inevitably surrounds people I'm around right now and frankly I'm thinking no wonder i have been having more meltdowns and anxiety in my life more lately, of course there are so many other factors as to why this is happening to me but I'm tired of being afraid to voice the taboo subjects that are inevitably are causing me to have more panic attacks and doubt in my head of who I really am!
     Yes I deal with anxiety and depression and a few other issues that prevent me from physically and mentally feeling excited to be the Child of God that I believe is in me and yes this leads me to not be in a place where I am entirely comfortable moving forward in being as confident as I know I could be!  I'm honestly just trying to be the best me I can be as I'm sure we all are trying to do and over the years that has taken a toll on me and what my goals are in my life! My main focus in writing all of this down though, is to say be kind, and know that it Will all Work Out in our lives and I say that mostly for myself because I have truly felt more broken in my own life as of lately then I ever thought I would and I will need this reminder in my life more each day! I really have so much love and hope and faith in my savior, and brother/Best Friend in my life and that is enough for me to keep going, keep Trying, and most of all keep loving with all my heart:)