Friday, October 21, 2016

Boldness without Overbearance

Hey Y'all, I'm back here writing again to try and be a little bit more vulnerable about who I am and what's happening! For the four of you that are reading this! Thank you for that and to the rest that don't make it through the whole thing, that's ok, I'm writing this for me and i thank you for stopping by!

    So here it goes then, I'm 27 years old and I feel like I'm doing pretty good in life, I have a wonderful family that helps me learn and grow every single day. I have an incredible Job that I Absolutely love to pieces. I have co workers that make me grow and learn more who I am and what I stand for every single day and who genuinely care about me and help me through the trials and the Triumphs of life that I am experiencing right now in my life.

   I have a place to call home and to sleep every night and I seriously cant forget the friends and the love I feel from everyone i am meeting in my life and that continue to stick around even when I don't see you! I am truly and incredibly blessed in my life! I always want to remember this feeling witch is why I am writing it down!

   This next part might be where I loose ya and that's ok by me:)

   The last year or so though or rather for the last 8 years on and off, I have had nightmares, night terrors, and just down right despair running through my head and I have seemed to scare off most everyone that truly mean the most to me with this because sometimes I don't know how to tell what is me dreaming from what is real!

   This is debilitating and extremely frustrating to me as I have got pretty good at compartmentalizing when its ok to just not always feel ok and sometimes this isn't the case ether! If i'm not making any sense to you right now, I'm saying to you now, life sure is confusing and I have truly come to know and learn that literally each and every single one of us have hard and difficult triles that happen in our lives and through this, I have came closer to understanding just a tiny bit of what my best friend and brother Jesus Christ did for me!

  I have battled with so many negative thoughts in my head saying your not good enough you aren't strong enough to accomplish that and then I did, I wanted to drop out of all my classes so many times when I was in school or when I would just down right fall to the ground because of my dizzy spells or just eat my way through the pain that I felt emotionally in my life and now I'm done with it all!

  I love me enough to keep trying, keep going, No Matter what try's to get in my way because I know it'll all be worth it when I get to see my best friend again someday and say i always Believed and I love him for always being there with me along the way!

   I don't always feel like i'm enough but I do know that With god, Truly all things are possible and I believe that with all my heart! Call me what you will but I know I always want to be a believer in god and our savior and brother Jesus Christ and I am incredibly blessed to have what i do in my life and know that Everything will turn out for my own good in the end! my new favorite thing to quote is in the Book of Mormon in Alma 38:12 witch says

   12 Use boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love; see that ye refrain from idleness.

This is what I'm striving to become more and more each day and I hope that any of you that read this will join me in this! I truly love the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and the peace that I feel as I come to learn and apply all that I do with that knowledge! I also love modern day Prophets and apostles that lead and guide me to know and feel truth in my life and always have there guidance through the spirit as I go and if this post sounds to preachy I'm sorry but I'm not sorry because this is what I love about this life and I feel we should always share what we love and what we learn the best from!